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One Hundred Percent is an interview transcription presented as a story of X’s experiences with a cult.
Compiled from over 20 hours of interviews.
(250 pages approx.)
The manuscript has been transcribed and sequenced. Funds raised will be used to pay for editing and print production.
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Production starts as soon as this fundraiser hits $6000
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Excerpts
And then he did that thing, that I'm positive now, now that I understand all of it and I lived with him. He did the thing where he wasn't going to let up, The Manager did it to us as well. You don't let up until the person one hundred percent gets it.
You play on their guilt. You break down their ego. Any defense is not going to last.
I mean I guess you could just get up and leave, but I was already too far in. I wasn't going to just get up and leave, you know?
And so he proceeded, and you kind of trust these people too by this point.
And so you stay because you want to be like... You want to know what they... you want to know what it is. You want to transform just like they have.
<And what was the effect of it after? Did you think there was a purpose behind it?>
Yeah, of course. Otherwise you leave. You don't, you don't stay for a scolding because there's no purpose. You stay because another human being is willing to go there with you.
So you trust them.
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They had an elevator that you took up, then inside the space there were two huge training rooms. One of the training rooms, had a padded floor that was very characteristic of the The Organization’s centers because you'd be lying on the floor a lot and rolling around. The idea was to not use mats.
You had a big wide open space and you could do whatever you wanted.
The setup of the classes was different for every class because the whole idea was to challenge the monotony of the brain. So we'd change it up just to shock people. One time I did a class all backwards. Like I started from the resting position, I took them to the warm-ups.
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Okay, it's like this. You live at a surface. What is required to figure out how to do something one hundred percent is you have to actually have your 'one mind' below the surface... Actually let that sink even deeper and deeper and deeper. You have to eliminate distraction. You either do that by pure will or you do it by like carving out a day that supports it. So you wake up - practices that help you take whatever you woke up with. Maybe you are at that dream state when you wake up, then lay there and go even deeper and process through your dreams. Wake up, sit, let your dreams process.
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And it still is. Still, every once in a while I'm like, 'you have to be willing to lose everything. You can't attach.'
To these students, to teachers, to friends, to lovers.
But there are these stages that people get in where they really need their hand held.
<And you provided that for people.>
Yeah. But even in those days, I remember The Manager used to always say that he wanted me to become like a strong tree.
And to grow so big and so strong that other people could like sit under and get shade.
I thought it was meaningful to hear it from him, because that meant that he wanted to help me to make my own tree and that that was the point.
And that's how I felt about people that I was giving shade to.
Like I was helping them to also become their own tree.
And it still carries on today.
Give people things that can be their own, so if you die, it's still there and if you leave, it's still there.
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Going away for a weekend, Like you don't even know what you're going to be training. You have no idea what's going on. Just get into a car. You show up and you're like 'oh ok.' I mean there's not even a surprise because you're so (laughing) done with surprises. Anything could go. You could be asked to sell your soul and you're ready.
Like the money training–you go to this training and then the whole weekend you're just going deep into every single belief and block you have about money.
I don't feel like I've talked about ‘Vision’ enough. And by 'Vision,' I mean 'money'. Money and Vision were synonymous. If you said 'Vision,' it was actually a monetary value. 'What is your Vision?' '$50,000.' That's what it was.
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Yeah, exactly. It was so weird. When I think about it now, it seems very unhealthy and quite disturbing, but at the time it felt so beautiful.
I felt so much gratitude for being able to be that close to another human being, that's part of the experience that I think people can really relate to. We carve out this very special situation and it's like you're doing something together. You know, there's twenty people waiting out in the middle of Union Square, New York, waiting to be let in and you and this other person, at that time The Manager and I were there facilitating this whole flowing of events, and there's intimacy and a reliance, relying on each other and a camaraderie and a closeness and a partnership. I never had experienced it before and it was, and still is really special to me.
I get it. It's a closeness that is created from building something with somebody else that feels meaningful. Like all those students were coming to do basically an hour of bowing and meditation and chanting.
It's meaningful. With or without a cult around it. The human experience is meaningful, to have all sitting together, waking up early, completely disrupting our comfort. And there are people holding it it together–if you're not there, it's not happening.
That day I just felt the specialness of it. And the selflessness of it. Like you're a part of something much bigger.
I think everybody wants to feel that.
I did at least.
I don't know about everybody. I did.
The potential of humanity and human connection.
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And so there's like this other part where you're sitting there and you're just experiencing such a wakefulness. Like you're completely awake. Yet it took complete annihilation of your common sense. Or complete submission. To somebody else that you may or may not actually trust in that case.
But it was always like that in The Organization. Like ‘OK, that was kind of fucking weird, but I feel great.’
The first training that I got from The Manager was when I came back from Healer School and we were all there doing a private class with him. He was training us. And we held plank pose for twenty minutes. You go so deep into every cell in your body that you're like no longer... It's not even about your body anymore. It's about calling on the heavens and calling on every ounce of anything that you can possibly and then that's gone and then you keep going. It's so fucking crazy. Like you didn't even know you had it in you. Until, somebody you trust has the energy to take you there. And you feel grateful to this person.
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So, we have to stand on the stage and do this. But when you started, you'd yell something, and the trainer is there: "no, do it again, no do it again." We're all just yelling and the music comes on and then we're tapping... Finally they were getting so upset with us, and so mad at us. It was probably planned like that, I don't know. So mad at us. "No! I do not believe you! dah dah dah dah...You're so insincere!", This kind of yelling and screaming at our faces. They sent us out to the desert and we had to go really far away and yell it to the rocks. And convince the rocks. I'll guarantee you, that sounds fucking nuts, but a lot of people would love to be able to go one hundred percent to a rock and absolve themselves. So say you're tapping yourself and you're going into the layers of the onion. What comes up? I don't know. I don't want to find whatever it is. It's pushing you out. And then doubt: 'They don't know what they're doing, this is so weird. This is not really trying to find your true self.'
They labelled those 'doubts', but now I know that that's also common sense. So it was a blurry line between doubt and common sense, so if you can call it 'doubt' and you don't call it you're 'losing your common sense,' you can actually make another person completely devoid of all common sense after some time.
So it's like 'I love my cult,' and finally 'I love my cult. How fantastic is my cult?' Where in the beginning, the first time you stumble onto the news article that says it's a cult, it makes something happen. And then you go and you do a training and you're like, that's just ‘doubt.' Keep going, keep going inside.
And it's like... I don't think that that was not real. I think that at some point, even if you're being... like some of the people were being exploited sexually and monetarily, I still think that like there's some level, that that doesn't even matter. I don't know, maybe I was wrong. Maybe that was the way to go for the rest of my life. I really don't know. But I don't think so. I sure like myself a lot more now. And what you feel are your emotions. And you know you are coming up against those. Like anger…
<As a teacher or a student?>
As a person going down through the onion, trying to get to the core. You feel anger, like 'this is stupid! I hate this! This is so fucked up! What the fuck? I don't want to be here!' Keep going, keep going, keep going. Surrender. Surrender to the fear. The fear of wanting to know what's deeper. The fear that I can't do it. The fear of someone watching me. Fear of being judged. Keep going, keep going, keep going.
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